FOR THE RECORD, KAYLA MULLER HAS A NEW NAME AND IS SUCKING MATZO BALLS IN TEL AVIV, LIVING IN A POSH PAD WITH FIVE SWIMMING POOLS AND A LAKE LOOKING FORWARD TO A FAT $600,000 PAYOFF FOR HER COOPERATION IN ALL THIS ISIS BULLSHIT AFTER HER IDENTITY COOLS OFF.
If you think SITE intelligence group (the front that airs all the ISIS stuff) is real, GO WRITE FOR THE ONION PLEASE.
A great Onion moment:
At least suggesting the Sears staff might feel like doing that after seeing the bottom line could not have been too far off the mark!
Here’s ANOTHER good one for The Onion!